Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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