I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
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It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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