Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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