I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
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Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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