Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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