I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize