He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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