i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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