If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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