I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize