I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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