i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize