I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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