the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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