There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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