Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize