god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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