Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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