there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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