then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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