So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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