If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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