His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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