I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
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seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
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It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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