Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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