Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize