I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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