Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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