k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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