Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I supernannyed him into submission
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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