Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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