You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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