My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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