You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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