The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize