I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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