She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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