im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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