cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize