I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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