I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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