Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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