hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize