wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
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And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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