Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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