the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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