I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How external is "for external use only"?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I didn't notice because vodka
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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