that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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