I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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