Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize